JS: Tonight’s guest appeared in Runaway Bride last year, currently he can be seen on two series. HBO's Oz, which is
dirty, and NBC’s Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.
[Clip from SVU in which Elliot and Benson surround a perp in a laundry room that has a gun to a woman’s head]
JS: That’s what happens when you fuck up someone’s laundry. Please welcome Chris Meloni.
John: Nice to see you. [Chris grabs his coffee cup] That's mine, don't--
Chris: That's alright.
John: It's water, right? No, I only get high after the show. How are you doing?
Chris: Good, baby. Am I blocking your camera angle here?
John: We're just co-anchors right now. Just me and you co-anchoring the show.
Chris: Let's go to the videotape.
John: Thank you, Warner Wolf. Well done.
[Chris pretends dentures fall out of his mouth and some people laugh]
Chris: Somebody got that.
John: You're crazy busy.
John: You're crazy busy.
Chris: Crazy busy, man.
John: You've got two shows. You've got Oz, where you're-- where' it's a little--
Chris: Chris Keller, yeah, a bit of a menace I'd say.
John: He's mean. He's a mean man.
Chris: As a matter of fact, I just shot my first episode yesterday.
John: What'd you do in that?
Chris: Oh, a lot of cock grabbing. Got in a fight. Menaced another prisoner. And then promptly got shot. So, you know, all
in a day's work. Good clean fun.
John: That's why I never try the cock grabbing, because you always get shot.
Chris: Go pay those parking tickets.
John: Absolutely, how's the other show going?
Chris: You're shaking, relax, relax.
John: The other thing is a wild show because it's the Special Victims Unit.
Chris: Yeah. Not just the victims--
John: Because regular victims are--
Chris: Please. Seen it, done it, been there. No, these are special victims.
John: The one's in the laundry room with a shoe on their head.
Chris: "I said no starch!"
John: You're a nice fella but I imagine when people first meet you they might be a little--
Chris: A little antsy, a little scared. I had a woman--Actually I had a woman about--
John: Congratulations by the way on having a woman.
Chris: She was over 60, too.
John: After your roll on Oz that must be a nice surprise.
Chris: It's a little added spice to life.
John: Sure. Now she came up to you, she was scared?
Chris: Yeah, no, she actually, she looked at me, she goes, "I hate you. But you're sexy."
John: Are you sure it was a woman?
Chris: She was a smoker, what can I tell you?
John: That sounded like Carol Channing met you at a diner somewhere. I know that you--I mean, you're one of those guys that
worked for years to get the break.
John: What was, like, the first gig?
Chris: You know, my first gig was actually here in New York, it was The Equalizer. You remember that show? Jonathon Woodward--
John: Absolutely, it's still on--what the hell is that on?
Chris: I bet you guys will remember this, if you're big fans of the show. I played a hired assassin, I was going in to kill
some security guards. So I went to wardrobe to get outfitted. I was in this all black pants suit zipped up and really tight
and nice and sleek.
John: That was a very smart outfit.
Chris: Right? Then they put me in a vest, then they put me in a hat, a knit hat. I was like, I am so cool. They said, "That's
great but pull it down." So they--Ski mask. Ski mask over my face so that only my eyes--
John: Oh, man.
Chris: And the final insult was, they dubbed my voice. With one of those Godzilla guys, you know, really masculine, manly
voice, 2 octaves deeper than what I have.
John: Yeah, I remember when I did that gig.
[Chris gives him a dirty look]
John: I'm just kidding. Me and you are buddies [Chris reaches towards him] We're buddies! Don't make me toss your salad, I
[Chris props his leg up on the desk]
John: This is actually the most flirting I've done with a guest. I don't know what's happened here. But we're pleased to see
you. We want you to come back, because you're located in New York, right?
Chris: Yeah, man, I'm right down the block. Give me a call sometime. We'll get together.
John: I'd actually like that very much. Law and Order: Special Victims Unit is on Friday nights, Oz is on in April, Chris